Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize