It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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