apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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