Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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