it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize