I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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