I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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