Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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