im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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