Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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