Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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