Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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