Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize