somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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