i permit you to call me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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