this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize