walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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