I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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