Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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