She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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