Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how drunk are you?
Several
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize