I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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