It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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