I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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