what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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