I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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