I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize