I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize