Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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