Someone shit on the floor
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize