Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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