You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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