I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
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You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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