I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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