Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize