don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize