I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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