3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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