I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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