Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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