hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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