Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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