I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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