I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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