you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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