so explain again why im purple
no
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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