I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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