I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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