so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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