Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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