I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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